She doesn't know, still...

She thinks I'm different from other moms who gathered at a small hall in the afternoon for her music campus' String Festival today. My 11-year-old daughter May, must have seen me standing there, looking like an emotion-less wood log.
May kept that observation till before the bedtime, she asked: "Have you ever felt proud of me like other kids' moms?" I stayed cool. (In my mind, I said - well, another victim of my hidden emotion character is found under my roof!). She just didn't know how I felt seeing her standing there joining the little violin band. Of course, I wasn't floating with pride but I did feel great.
However, I couldn't concentrate much on music as I entered the room quite late. Standing at the back of the room (well, my usual spot), I was revieved for seconds to see the band hadn't started. Then I felt guilty as I knew that she could try to find me somewhere before I made my entry. So I had to pull out my camera and tried to take photo from far away position. Busy with that and suddenly I thought why didn't I try to shoot the video. I switched to the video after that two lousy shots, and ....I was such a loser. My memory card was full after I didn't complete record the song (and her band played only two songs!!). I should have had cleared the card before ...(this is so me...an unorganised mom).
At least I made it known to May that I brought camera as I backed my car outside the gate, I told her to go and get the camera. "Why do you wanna take photo?" May asked me. But I insisted that I wanted to and she ran for it. She is big enough to learn that if it's not special thing for me, I wouldn't want to bother carrying the camera.
Deep in my heart, I am always proud of her. She is not genius, an average at music school and her primary school but she is a happy child. That is enough for me.
A reward of my life is when people come and compliment that she is very active, cheerful, and happy child. What should I ask more for her as a single mom.
Raising her alone, my priority is nothing but her happiness. But I can't help it that I don't show my real "inner" self much. But I'm positive that one day when she grows up enough, she will look back and realise how much I love her - just like I did when my mom passed away. I only recalled how wonderful she was as my mom. There was no sweet words or any praise but the way she was my great pal just proved that she was a great mom. I'd love to be one but perhaps I've got to put more effort.

Venus & Mars

It is pretty common knowledge but I'd love to get it in writing again.

When a man says "yes", he doesn't want to argue any further(though he may be able to find points to make).

When a woman says "yes", she surely runs out of argument, period.

Today's lesson:

Perhaps as a woman, I should learn to say "yes" more :-)

Yesssssssss?

Bedtime Q & A

Being a mom, you always have to answer questions (the younger they are, the more difficult questions you have got to explain). Every mom has experienced more or less questions like "how I come to this world?", "why everybody must die one day?", "am I going to die too?", and "will I have a baby if I fall in love?".
The last example is one of my daughter's questions that I use all my communications tactics to answer. But well, the answer has to carry some truths, if not the whole truth. Kids just have photo-copying memory and you wouldn't want your kid to grow up and learn weird things (So I won't make my gal believe she will get pregnant when she falls for a guy).
Tonight I talked to her before bedtime and it was our Q&A time again.
She asked a question that may make everyone laughs his head off - why didn't I become a model?.
"I think you can. Even though your boobs aren't that big, you can be a model. I notice many models have 'flat" breasts."She continued: "but well, now you're too old for that, huh? What a pity you don't do it when you were young. You've got everything- the look, shape, and good education."
Ummm...Thanks goodness, she told that to me without any third person otherwise I didn't know where to put my face. As much as you think your kid is good looking, she/he always sees you beautiful.
Then followed immediately after the compliment: "Mommy...why do you always have to watch football matches?""I don't watch all of them just my team," I said."But why do you have to watch your team every time they play?" she asked."Because it is my team and I want to see players I like."I thought that was the end of the Q&A session.Not yet..."Mommy...why do you have to call friends and talk footies? I started to feel suspicious."Huh? It was the time of mommy's strike-back."Well, it's pretty much the same as you always pick up the phone and call friends about the online games you are playing. But see, my dear, I've never asked why you have to phone them about games. So I guess you should not ask me either."
I'm sure I'm not the only mom on earth to have to end our Q&A session this way.

Eleven and wanna blog

Guess what? My little one, yes that fast-growing 11-year-old gal of mine, wants to blog too. So I create a blog under her direction. Her blog is so cute and of course, her photo is much better looking than the aging Egyptian queen. I'll let you guys know what is she up to. I'm sure she will come out with a lot of words that will brighten your day.

Conversation behind the blog construction went like:

Little one: Mummy, can you make one for me too?

me: OK, let me figure out how this damn thing works.

Little one: You know, I made one recently but I didn't know how to put things in.

me: Yes. I know it is difficult. Let me study first, okay?

(Ha ha ...am too ashamed to tell her that my first blog died very young just because I couldn't do anything except picking design and putting one of my articles in. Worse, I couldn't remember which password I use...).



Anyway as the little one was running around, I asked her to sit down (well, as a mother you do have to ask politely and she may obey) and guide me on her preferable design.)She always has a better taste than me and this time it is no exception.As for wording, considering she is a kid in a "local" school (not international -read skyrocketing tuition fee- school), her writing is understandable.But you may not think so. Well, have you ever heard any mom saying her kid is very stupid or not cool?

Breaking the ice

Hi there, Me? Whining? Yes, I guess everybody whines sometimes but why whining when you have so many things to do now on the cyberspace. That's why I take my time of whining and doing something here. You may hate my blog, and ideas in its but please don't hate me otherwise I will have to whine again....

:-) me, whining.